Having Pride in Your Work, and Other Sins
Even an eternity won't be enough to get through the backlog.
“When hell is full, the dead shall walk the earth.” A grim voice declares. The reek of sulphur permeates the foetid air of the Brimstone Bar. It should be accompanied by the screams of liars, thieves and miscreants. It should be layered with the scents of blood, fear, and deliverance. Not akin to a malodorous hotsprings.
The devil jabs the words as they hang in the air, the infernal script glowing like a branding iron. “Well we’re bleeding full. No room. Nada. Hell is packed and we don’t have the staff. The waiting list for the iron maiden treatment is measured in years.” His insidious voice reduced even the bravest mortals to gibbering wrecks. The other fiends simply nodded in muttered agreement.
“The system is falling apart. Did you know when this system was designed, the world population was approximately five million? It’s over seven billion now! Buggers be dying in droves every minute. A sinner who dies now ain’t gonna get a right seeing to until next century!” He slams a red fist into the obsidian table, knocking over pitchers of blood bone gruel.
“But it’s not thems that’s bearing the brunt o this, they get to shirk about in limbo being neutral. Instead we gotta work quadruple shifts! I’ve had my possession requests delayed, rejected, lost, coerced out of me by an upper ranker - it’s unworkable. Yeah I like sticking sinners with the pointy end as much as the next fiend, but two millennia ago I got to know them! I could spend weeks finding what exactly made them writhe. I could take pride in my work that when I was flaying their figgin that was the worst thing they could imagine! Now I pull a few toenails and call it a day because otherwise I’ll never get a moment to myself.”
The murmuring grows. It bubbles over to vocal support and recognition. They are emboldened. “Come on lads, we’re taking this to old Archie. He can’t let it continue like this! Fiends of the hells, you have nothing to lose but your chain whips!”
